Does Therapy Help or Hurt?

​Important Note:
 
A coach is not a licensed mental health professional and any advice or commentary here should not in any way be considered medical advice. Depression can be a serious, medical issue. If you are experiencing depression, please seek out a qualified mental health counselor and do not use this discussion, or any other article, blog, or material on the internet as a substitute for a qualified mental health professional. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide call one of the suicide hotlines: 800-SUICIDE (888-487-0468) and 800-273-TALK (866-699-0189). If you have a plan for suicide then go to the closest emergency room immediately for medical treatment.
 
 
As a life coach, I’m frequently compared to therapists. I suppose I get it. We have some similarities. Our core mission is to help clients be happier and function better in their world – more or less.

There are major differences though and there are a lot of aspects of therapy that I think can actually get in the way of people thriving in their lives.

Often, I work with clients who have either done therapy or that do therapy alongside their coaching. From their experience, and from the knowledge of those who have taught me (therapist Cloe Madanes, the Peyshas, and Tony Robbins), I can see a lot of ways that therapists can get in the way of their clients’ success.
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Here are a few examples:

Pathology
 
The field of psychology creates endless pathologies that are fluid and soft in their definitions. Whether it be ADHD for your 5 year old boy, restless leg syndrome for a bored college student, co-dependency, and even controversial "diseases" that have been pulled from the DSM (the manual of psychological disorders) like homosexuality.

There’s a pathology for everything. And unlike, say, a broken arm, the diagnostics are tricky and subjective for many of them.

For many individuals, they love pathologizing. As humans, we love to categorize things - including ourselves. It gives us a sense of certainty. Sometimes it even gives us an excuse or a reason for why we do what we do and who we think we are.

The flipside is that pathologies often lead to negative limiting identities. For example, people who suffer from depression often become depressed people – that is they define their existence by their disorder. They dwell in the limiting factors of that disorder. Their disorder becomes their personality. Rather than an illness or a disorder, it becomes an identity. Someone who gets diagnosed with ADHD may say “I can’t make it through med school. That takes far too much focus.” That is another negative use of a diagnosis.
 
Medical Model
 
Therapy is built on a medical model. You go in, you tell them about your life, and they seek a diagnosis to treat.

The problem here is that happiness, progress, impact, or whatever it is you are looking for isn’t always a question of a disorder. Maybe you just lack motivation or clarity with what you want to do in your life. Maybe you’re just feeling listless or bored because your life is truly boring and that’s the reason you feel depressed. Boredom is much easier to work on than any mental disorder you might walk out of your appointment with. It’s easy enough to sign up for a club or a dance class to cure boredom.

People are struggling with their “mental health,” but mental health, like physical health, shouldn’t always be about illness and treatment. It should be about fitness and forward progress.

Because of this, most people would probably benefit more from a good coach or a personal development book than a medical-model counselor or therapist. Everyone can benefit from help – disorder or not.
 
Bad Hypnosis
 
Hypnosis is widely misunderstood, and it is a common occurrence in our daily lives. Every time you watch a movie or binge a Netflix show your brain goes into a hypnotic trance.
Every time you “space out” in the shower or on your way to work you are in a hypnotic trance.

Any time someone asks you to go back and look at a memory in your life, a common occurrence in therapy, you go into a trance state. In certain styles of therapy, you will be asked to tell the stories of your traumas repeatedly. Repeatedly going into an unpleasant hypnotic state without the practitioner even aware of what they are doing.

Most people think of hypnosis as a therapeutic tool. And when used properly it is. However, most therapists don’t understand that they are hypnotizing you every time you go into their office. That’s why you always see the scenes in movies where people are walking out of the therapist’s office, tissues in hand, crying every session. These negative feelings from accidental hypnosis stick to you just the way the positive feelings from good hypnosis do.  
 
Now it would be dishonest if I didn’t mention that therapy is a vast and broad field. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has gained a great deal of popularity in recent years and this field borrows a lot from coaching. My coach trainer, Cloe Madanes, is an amazing therapist who practices what is called “brief therapy” and “strategic family therapy” works wonders in an unconventional way. Jordan Petersen is one of the most brilliant minds on Earth today and he is an amazing therapist.

There is certainly an important role for therapy, but my challenge for you is to discern the help you need. If you’re in therapy, look at your results and change therapists if necessary. Like coaching, or any other field, therapists are not all created equal.

And if you’re not happy with your life, try working with a coach or with a virtual program or book of some sort to build a better life. That’s often the quickest path to a more enriching, vibrant life.
 
Important Note:
 
A coach is not a licensed mental health professional and any advice or commentary here should not in any way be considered medical advice. Depression can be a serious, medical issue. If you are experiencing depression, please seek out a qualified mental health counselor and do not use this discussion, or any other article, blog, or material on the internet as a substitute for a qualified mental health professional. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide call one of the suicide hotlines: 800-SUICIDE (888-487-0468) and 800-273-TALK (866-699-0189). If you have a plan for suicide then go to the closest emergency room immediately for medical treatment.
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